Memoirs of a Crazy Person by Mick Bayer
(Reflections on running the Sunmart** 50 Mile Texas Endurance Trail Run)

December 10, 2005

And why would anyone in their right mind want to do something like this - run 50 miles on trails with rocks and tree roots, up and down hills?  Well, when my grandpappy sat me on his knee when I was only three he said to me, "Sonny boy, there are only four absolutes in life: death, taxes, spam, and when you turn 50 you run the Sunmart** 50 miler. OK maybe he didn't exactly say that. Perhaps it's just a mid-life crisis and I can't afford a BMW or a Harley. (Note: If you managed to make it through my accounts of my Boston and Enschede, The Netherlands marathons, you will be pleased to know this one is much shorter)

** Sunmart is the premier ultra-marathon trail running event in North America, held in Huntsville State Park, TX (about an hour North of Houston)

The Top 10 Reasons to Run the Sunmart 50 Mile Texas Endurance Trail Run are:

 

10.  The cool Tyvek finisher's jacket is the same as for the 50K so you don't have to admit how crazy you are when you wear it.

9.  The morning after the race you can order the McDonalds Deluxe Big Breakfast and still go back for seconds and thirds.

8.  It feels so good when you stop. (Well, actually, you hurt worse than you ever have in your entire life when you stop, but about 10 days later you feel good.)

7.  You can openly curse the person who invented stairs, without fear of reprisal.

6.  The finisher's afghan blanket will look great draped over your coffin.

5.  You get to eat peanuts and potato chips out of bowls touched by over 1000 other snotty and sweaty runners.

4.  You can fertilize your plants back home with all the crap that you dump out of your shoes.

3.  You get to spend quality time with your family since you basically will be unable to get out of the Lazy Boy for several days.

2.  If you are on trial for a felony, you can plead insanity and submit the race results as supporting evidence

and the Number One reason to run the Sunmart 50 Mile Texas Endurance Trail Run is:

   # 1 - You can use the handicap toilets with the handrails without feeling guilty !
But I digress. I hear you crying for more (click on any photo below for a large version)
    Here are some well wishers to cheer us at the start
      Lake Raven was gorgeous in the morning.
I'm at the start, still aghast that I'm actually going to try to do this. Little did I know what I was getting myself into. I dedicated the race to a friend, Lovene Goins, who was in Houston Memorial in a coma, resulting from a stroke.

I started the race at a very slow conservative pace (or so I thought). I ran with this one guy for many miles and we chatted about life and family in general and finally the subject came up about what do you think your finishing time will be. I told him I was targeting 9.5 hours since I was under-trained by about one month and this was my first attempt at this distance. He told me a similar story but since he normally runs marathons in 2 hours and 40 minutes (i.e. really damn fast) he was anticipating a sub 8 hour finish. We agreed I was probably running too fast and slowing down might be a good idea. I said goodbye to him and tried to add in some occasional walk breaks and I lingered at the aid stations more than I had wanted. My "slow down" efforts really paid off because I ran the first of the four 12.5 mile loops in 1 hour and 55 minutes. Since that equates to a 7 hour and 40 minute finish time I knew I was probably screwed.

I was feeling strong at mile 20. I reached the 50k (31 mile) mark in about 4 hours 50 minutes which is 30 minutes faster than my previous Sunmart 50km PR. I felt great!! I was cruisin' with all cylinders firing until about mile 36 when suddenly my body realized it had never run over 32 miles and began to reject me. Every part of my body began to ache and it progressively got worse with every mile. Towards the end of the third loop I was running with an ultra-marathoner veteran and I confessed I felt like crap and I hurt everywhere and asked "how do you ever finish these things". He merely said "take your right foot and put it in front of your left and then your left in front of your right and don't think about anything else". I followed his advice. By the end of the third loop I was starting to trip a lot because I couldn't pick up my feet enough to clear the rocks and tree roots and which I couldn't see very well anyway as it was getting darker; so, I ended up walking anywhere the footing looked precarious. When I started the last loop I knew I was truly insane, which is what I always thought about those 50 mile runners during my previous two 50km races. For the next 12 miles all I thought about was "right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot ...".
  With just about 1/2 mile to go I came out of the trees onto the final stretch of road and I knew it was time. I glanced at my yellow “LiveStrong” wrist band, pushed back the pain, cranked up REO Speedwagon’s “Ridin’ the Storm Out” on my iPod Shuffle and blasted into the finish at a 7 minute pace. 10 yards later, reality hit me like a ton of bricks. For 30 minutes after finishing all I could manage to do was shuffle around to avoid rigor mortis setting in and mumble "Thank God that is over". The finish line photos below pretty much sum up the whole experience. Without a doubt it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life and I swear I will never do it again (well, at least not till next year).

I finished in  8 hours and 44 minutes in 43rd place. I was 5th in my age group and just 16 minutes behind 3rd place. 250 runners were strong enough to start but only 192 were able to finish. The race is four 12.5 mile loops and my split times were:  1:55,  2:11 (I changed socks and shoes),  2:13, and 2:25. Click here for complete searchable race results.

Thank you, Lord, for supporting me during the race, for my family and friends who suffered through this narrative, and for Lovene Goins' wonderful life. She never regained consciousness and joined the ranks of the departed Saints a few days later.

More useless trivia:

I won't be able to run this race in 2006 because I'll be singing, acting, and dancing in an Elizabethan Madrigal Feast that weekend.

You would have had to attend the University of Missouri - Rolla during the 1970's to appreciate the significance of REO Speedwagon’s “Ridin’ the Storm Out” as my end-of-race song of choice. Our student radio station, KUMR, always played that song on the days when the horribly difficult Physics tests were scheduled. I heard it many times while eating breakfast in my Acacia fraternity dining hall. It is an awesome running song, kinda like eating a fistful of Lembas bread (for you LOTR fans).